Thursday, September 15, 2005

The Onion Takes on Travolta

Here's a brilliant piece of satire from the Onion about John Travolta being hospitalized for a low e-meter reading.

When asked whether Travolta's condition could be traced to Xenu, the intergalactic overlord who imprisoned countless thetans on Earth 75 million years ago, [Travolta's personal physician]Welch said: "I don't know what you're talking about."

Doctors have also left open a small but distinct possibility that Travolta—who was slated to begin work this week on his next film, the sci-fi epic Battlefield Earth—was poisoned.

"Certainly, a chemical contamination might be the explanation," Citarella said. "His food or water could have been tampered with by a wog, or maybe even an SP. Or, a psychiatrist or some other dead agent might have poisoned him with the killer drug Prozac, though it would've had to have been a very small amount to explain the minor extent of damage. But Mr. Travolta will be given a full Purif Rundown, just to be safe."


Brilliant.

(Thanks, as ever, to Cult News for the link.)

2 Comments:

Blogger Xenuphobe said...

hahahahaha

My favorite part is: "I don't know what you're talking about."

7:21 PM  
Blogger Thetan Lover said...

Hahahaha. I know. The subtleties in that article are hilarious. The only way it could have been better is if they added the CoS obligatory "we're insulted that you even asked."

10:45 AM  

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