Noah Baumbach has discovered that ....
His dog is Tom Cruise. Here Baumbach tells us his dog's manic inner monologue:
Do you know the history of crate training? ’Cause I do. Don’t talk about things you don’t understand. Like saying dogs are wild. Dogs are wild—that is glib. Dogs are . . . I’ve done the research; there are crates that they put us in to quote unquote train us. They throw rattlesnakes at us. Electric-shock tags! I’m not making this up. This is . . . it’s history. Crate training just masks the problem. These dogs, they become zombies. You can totally handle disobedience naturally by saying “No!” and “Bad dog!” It works. Look at the facts. Shock tags?! I am disgusted.
hahaha! I fetch! Boy, I love to fetch. I am totally fired up when I fetch. And nap. I’ve got a great dog bed with leopard spots where I can power-nap, man. I’ve got awesome chew toys, too. I’m passionate about this rubber T-bone with peanut butter hidden in it. Here’s the point: do you know there are strays on the street eating out of the Dumpsters behind Chinese restaurants? I’m not making that up. I care about those mutts. But they don’t know what the options are. They don’t know that you can live in an apartment and get fed by a human. These hounds, man—when it thunders, they think the world is ending. Because they haven’t done the research.